With only 3 weeks until my due date...I just started crocheting a baby blanket. My hospital bag isn't packed. There is no bedding on the crib. The baby clothes need to be washed and tucked into their drawers.
Maybe it's because this is my 6th baby and I've learned that babies really don't need as much as we are told. They come whether we are ready or not and so many things can just fall into place in time.
What I have felt the most urgency about during this time is not just preparing our home, but preparing my heart.
The reality is setting in that this baby is going to come out. Having done this 5 times before is bringing little comfort. Each labor and delivery was so different, I really don't know what to expect this time around. I am very aware of the risks involved in giving birth for the sixth time.
My fears are bringing me to tears nearly every day.
How do I prepare myself for what is ahead?
During my last labor, I had contractions through the night. I laid in that hospital bed and watched the sun rise through the window. As the daylight unveiled the city, in the distance I saw a church steeple peeking out above the rooftops. At the top of that steeple was a cross.
I focused on that cross many times as the hours of labor went on. As I prayed and cried out to God to give me strength, He gently reminded me of what Jesus had endured...for me.
The night before Jesus was to be crucified he found a quiet place and cried out to God. He prayed to his Father.
I am using the next few weeks to fill my heart with scriptures and songs that I can cling to in my most broken moment.
I'm not praying for an easy labor, but praying for a peaceful heart.