Finding Beauty in the Gray Hairs

I have been hesitant to share this post for a while now because it is such a personal decision.  But New Year's is about a fresh start and embracing change, and I couldn't think of a better day to share it.

This is me, gray hairs and no makeup.

I found my first gray hair when I was in high school.  My best friend would sit behind me during biology class and pull them out because, after all, what are friends for?

In my 20's, the few gray strands became more than a few and the people in my life started to notice.  I heard comments from both men and women.  Maybe they were just trying to be helpful, but pointing out my gray hairs is not the same as telling me I have spinach in my teeth, and their words left me feeling embarrassed and insecure.

I spent many years staring into the mirror, running my fingers through my hair and asking myself, "Should I dye it or not?"

For some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And why not? Everyone else was dyeing their hair...

I guess I felt that once I started, there would be no turning back.  I am all about keeping life simple, and I watched my friends struggle with keeping up with their roots.  I was a busy mother with a full house, the last thing I needed was another thing on my to-do list.

But now in my 30's, my reasons for embracing my silver highlights have become much deeper.  

I asked my husband for his honest opinion of my hair, and his response really surprised me.

He smiled, "We are growing old together."

I looked at his scruffy gray whiskers and the few white hairs starting to show at his temples, and I had to smile too.  There it is, the promise.  The promise to grow old together, to love in the good and in the bad, and to share this journey through every stage of our lives.

And we are in a new stage.  Our older children are inching their way towards being teenagers and our baby is now a toddler running around the house.  

I am feeling older and maybe a little wiser, and I'm learning to be more content.  I want to accept and embrace this stage of my life for all its worth.  The babies that left their marks on my body, the laugh lines that are forming from years of joy, the gray hairs that remind me of the promise, it's all a part of my story.

I want to inspire my girls that they are beautiful at every age.  They don't have to grow up too fast or fit into someone else's mold.  True beauty is a gentle and quiet spirit.  It is a joyful heart and living out all that you were created to be...in this moment.

I wish I could say that I am completely confident in this, but it is still a struggle for me.  This year I am learning to embrace the beauty in every moment, every stretch mark, every gray hair.

The Laundry Room is My Prayer Closet

It is early. I am up before the sun but I've given up on sleep.  I slip into the kitchen to brew a cup of coffee.  The gentle clinking of my spoon swirled through the mug rings loudly in this quiet house.

I warm my hands around this mug as I walk to the laundry room.  Setting my coffee down on the dryer I get right to work.

I fold laundry when I'm stressed.  Or angry.  Or when my heart is heavy with the things that hurt.

This place is where I hide when I need to cry and vent and learn to breathe again.  The laundry room has become my prayer closet.

My hands are busy sorting and folding and my heart feels free to be real with God.  I have cried to Him so many times over the battles I'm fighting, the pain, the worries, the fear.

As I chip away at this mountain, the gentle humming of the dryer creates rings in my coffee like stones skipped across a pond.  It's a peaceful place for me.  A place where my dirty chaos is brought into beautiful order.  It's a place where I let God take the mess of my life and wash it all away, giving me a fresh start.

The hamper is empty (for the moment) and I've poured out all that needed to be said.  The sun is filling the sky and my children are filling the house with their noisy energy.  My heart is no longer carrying this heavy load but full of peace.