We love our larger-than-average family, but not everyone I come across in life is supportive. It does hurt to get stared at and hear rude comments from strangers. It is even more discouraging when the people close to me just don't understand the choices I make and can't bring themselves to just be happy for me.
So I've become defensive. I've felt like I've had to prove something. Prove that I can handle all of my children by myself.
I have struggled while walking 4 small children across a church parking lot with a baby on my hip, a huge diaper bag over my shoulder, and my guitar case in my hand. I have done grocery shopping and doctor's appointments with all of them in tow....which have ended in tears (mine, not the kids).
And then a sweet soul will see my distress and ask, "Can I help you?"
"No thanks, I'm fine. I've got it."
So they walk away quietly and I trudge on.
The truth is...it's hard. I'm exhausted. I can't do it all on my own, all the time. But my pride won't let me ask for help.
I have thought about the times when I have been able to help someone. It brings us joy when we are serving others. And when I refuse some one's help, I am letting my pride rob someone of joy.
I still struggle with asking for help, but I no longer look at their offers as pity. I am trying to let go of my pride and let others help me. It doesn't make me less of a mother. It is softening my heart and giving an opportunity for someone to be blessed through the gift of help.
As a mother of five myself, I know exactly how this feels.
ReplyDeleteMe too...I OFTEN let my pride get in the way of anyone helping me. I always think that I have it under control and more importantly, I want to give the ILLUSION that I have it under control. I am finding out that I have a lot more pride than I thought I did. I'll pray for you if you pray for me! :)
ReplyDeleteI think all mothers have felt this at one time or another.
ReplyDeletei always brag about you to my friends in PA. you're an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel this way, I think I'm worried that it's saying to people that maybe I *shouldn't* have made the decision to have this many kids, because I can't handle it alone. Like it's admitting to the naysayers that they are/were right. Which isn't at all how *I* feel, but I fear they'll take it that way. And I have to get re-centered in the fact that I believe in my choices, that we didn't make them half-consciously, that God was with us in our decisions, that them disagreeing doesn't make us wrong. SO TOUGH!!! I'm with ya!
ReplyDeleteExactly Carrie! We felt God's peace and leading in the choices we made...and I need to never forget that, even in the middle of others' rude opinions.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the encouragement ladies!