I'm happy for them. I am really proud of him as a father wanting to spend this time with his boys and I know they are making amazing memories. But, it is hard to be left behind. The house is quiet. Too quiet. It feels empty...I only have 3 kids here. I just don't like it. But, these quiet nights have been good for me too.
This time has been reminding me of when he worked the night shift. We didn't have cable or Internet access. I would tuck the kids into bed and just breathe in the quietness. There were many nights when I was lonely, but it also gave me time to think and be creative. I spent those nights painting, sewing, and crocheting. I read a lot, played guitar and put words to paper. I'm not really sure why I've given those things up. Life just gets in the way sometimes, I guess. But, these quiet nights have inspired me again.
My boys will be home tomorrow and this house will fill up with joyful business again. I don't want to forget this part of me.
I believe that God puts these gifts in us for a purpose, whatever it is...these talents, desires and interests...they are who we are. They are meant to be used. To give, to serve, to encourage...to worship God...they have a purpose. So why do I push them to the side? Why do I forget about them when life gets busy? These things should be where I feel most at home...but sometimes in the quiet...I just don't know what to do with myself.
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